peitience is a virtue

Last week people just kept telling me that I had aged ten years. Not in looks, but in life. I definitely feel it. My body is tired and my mind seems dull. I sleep for a few hours at a time just to wake with a start feeling unsettled until I realize things are fine, and I go back to sleep. I think last week just really took every little piece of me out of, well, me.

I spent the night of the 12th in the hospital. It was the first night that the adults let my sister and I stay overnight in my dad’s room. I did not sleep much that night. My sister was tired and had gone to bed, but I stayed up later to watch over my dad with his caretaker who had come to spend the night as well. The first half of the night was rough. Every twenty minutes my dad’s nose would start to bleed. Sometimes it wasn’t so bad, other times it was a constant flow that couldn’t be stopped. When I finally did go to bed, it wasn’t for long. My dad’s nose would start bleeding again and he’d start choking on his blood. I would wake up every hour or so for the rest of night to the caretaker’s urgent call for me to help her. 

Woke up. Threw on boots. Put on gloves. Got tissues and dampened a towel. Called nurses in. Suction. More suction. Pushed painkillers. Begged for deep breaths. My dad calmed down. Take off gloves. Slip off boots. Lay down.

Repeat.

One of the worst parts of that night was when my dad was choking and coughing so badly that he would start crying. He couldn’t talk, he could barely open his eyes, but he could cry. I had only seen my dad cry twice more before that night. One of those times was just two days before, but I will talk about that another time.