peitience is a virtue

Today was the first day I had broken down since the memorial service on Wednesday. Thursday morning I sobbed, as quietly as I could as to not wake my sister, but since then I haven’t cried at all. I’m kind of surprised I lasted this long. I knew this moment was inevitable. I know that moments like this will keep happening for probably a few months. 

I am just so so terribly sad. My heart just aches. It is so tired of this pain, but this healing process has only just begun. 

I was supposed to have dinner with my bf and some friends, but I knew I was about to break. I just went home and here I am, locked up in my room. I can’t even cry laying down because my nose gets so congested that I can’t breath. I end up sitting up, gasping for air, and coughing from breathing too deeply and too fast. 

Next time I go grocery shopping I am buying bottles of water to keep in my room. I am getting dehydrated from all this crying and coughing. And no, I am not in the mood to leave my room so I am not going to go to the kitchen and grab a glass of water as tempting as that may sound…